The End


Today marks the end of Childhood Cancer Awareness month. What I ask everyone to remember is that just because this month ends, childhood cancer doesn’t. It keeps going. Kids keep fighting. My hope is that one day, no child has to suffer with cancer. My hope is that cures will be found. My hope is that we all remember, every day, that someone out there is fighting.

When I started this posting at the first of the month, I was excited and couldn’t wait to share our story. As the month went on, it posting got harder and harder. I discovered that making myself bring back those memories every single day was exhausting. Emotionally I am drained from this. I almost quit posting around mid-month from the stress and emotional aspect of it. As I sat here on my couch, holding my laptop, I realized that I couldn’t quit. Amber wasn’t able to just “quit” cancer. She had to fight and push through. All of those other children out there can’t just quit. They have to keep fighting. It reminded me that even though these posts have been tremendously emotional and hard for me, they are nothing compared to what Amber went through. I made a commitment to myself to post about our journey and I couldn’t quit on that.

I posted. I told our story. I laughed. I cried. I shared. This may be the end of that, but it isn’t the end of the fight. Don’t forget about the kids. They are still fighting. Thank you for sharing in our journey.

IMG_8777 copy

Survivor Guilt


Survivor guilt. You have all heard of it. It can happen anytime one person survives a tragedy when others don’t. It can also happen when a person survives a devastating illness such as cancer. It can happen to the survivor and it can happen to the family of the survivor. With cancer, there are survivors but there are also many who lose their battle with the disease.

As a parent of a survivor, I have found myself experiencing this type of guilt when hearing of others who have lost their children to cancer. There are times that I have wanted to share Amber’s story of being a cancer survivor but I have kept it to myself. I never want to make someone who has lost a child feel bad because mine survived. That is survivor guilt.

Amber and I had never discussed the subject of survivor guilt until recently. For the most part, Amber has never wanted to discuss her cancer much at all. It would come up when it was time for her annual visits or if she happened to be seeing a new doctor. Other than that, we just really didn’t talk about it much. When the subject of survivor guilt came up recently, I was surprised to hear that Amber has experienced survivor guilt herself. She thought I knew she had and I honestly thought she hadn’t. To know she had felt those things without ever sharing with anyone bothers me. I never wanted her cancer to define who she is but I have wanted it to always be a part of who she is. It seems that it has been more a part of her life than I even realized.

As Amber and I talked that day, I realized that survivor guilt may always be a part of our lives. We just have to remember that everyone has a purpose and we don’t always understand that purpose. Sometimes you win your fight and survive, sometimes you don’t. Either way, you are fulfilling your purpose on this earth. Survivors need to remember that it is okay to have these feelings but you definitely need to share them with someone. Sharing helps everyone.

I will forever be grateful that my daughter survived her battle with cancer. Why she was chosen to survive, we may never know, but I do know that it was for a reason. As she has grown into a beautiful young woman who now works in the healthcare field, she will have her experiences to continue to shape her life…as a survivor.

Books, Photos & a little bit of everything else: Sept. 29

  • Fury’s Kiss by Nicola R. White: Blog Tour & Giveaway

Fury’s Kiss by Nicola R. White

Genre: Paranormal Romance


Tara Walker dreams of more excitement than slinging plates of seafood for Cape Cod tourists, but as she learns when she is attacked and forced to fight for her life, fate sometimes has a funny way of giving you exactly what you wish for. Faced with strange new powers and embroiled in a murder investigation, Tara must now race to uncover the secrets of the ancient Fury that has woken inside of her – and of the evil that stalks her.
As if Tara’s life hasn’t gotten complicated enough, she is forced to ally herself with Jackson Byrne, witness to her assault and uncle to a pint-sized oracle whose fate is intertwined with hers. Skeptical, stubborn, and oh-so-sexy, Jackson wrestles with demons of his own. He is determined to ignore the attraction rising between them even faster than the body count, but like it or not, he and Tara need each other if they are to unravel the mysteries that surround them.

Buy Links
Author Bio

Nicola R. White is no stranger to the fantastic. Although there are no Furies in her family tree (that she knows of), she comes from a small city on the east coast of Canada where ghost stories and superstitions abound. She has worked on movie sets, as a bartender, in a lighthouse, and as a lawyer, and though she’s never been an exotic dancer like her character, Alex Hughes, she does know how to pole dance.
She has always been fascinated by the strange and morbid, and often stays up too late reading books that give her nightmares. She believes truth is stranger than fiction, and just a few of her heroes are Buffy, Dana Scully, and Xena.
Nicola is a member of Romance Writers of America and Romance Writers of Atlantic Canada, and is an active member and supporter of the award-winning Romance Divas website and online forum.
Author Message
Hey amazing friends and readers, I have some crazy exciting news. I have a chance to win a $10,000 publishing contract with SilverHart publishing – but I need your help to do it! Please check out this excerpt of my noir romantic suspense novel, Man’s Ruin, and leave a rating. Your feedback will help me move on to the next round of judging!
Social Links




When Amber first started going to St. Jude, she didn’t have much hair. I was a “bow” mom, meaning that she had a bow in her hair every day. This bow was attached to the single pony tail that was on the top of her head.

One day in assessment and triage, one of the ladies nicknamed her Pebbles because her bow was like Pebbles bone on The Flintstones. Every time that we would go back to St. Jude, this employee would remember Amber. That was always amazing to me because we were only there every six weeks. It never failed that we would go into assessment/triage and this employee would recognize “Pebbles.”


One Bad Egg


Over the years, everyone that we dealt with at St. Jude was wonderful with Amber. Everyone except one single employee. This woman worked in x-ray and did not have a bedside manner for children. X-rays should be a simple thing for a child to have done. This one person made Amber scared to death of x-rays for years. That was an unfortunate thing to happen considering that she had to have them every 6 weeks.

Even though this person was not good in her position with children, we knew that we could not let one bad egg spoil the bunch. Everyone else was wonderful. This person wound up not working for the hospital for very long. We discussed her (in general terms) with another employee a few years later. That employee told us that they do get people every so often that just don’t “fit” in the hospital. Those people do not make it long.

In the whole scope of 17 years at the same hospital, it is amazing that we only had one bad egg. It just shows that the people that work there want to work there. Those people care about the kids and have given that portion of their life to make the life of those children better. Thank you to all the employees of St. Jude over that 17 years.

Spots on Her Lungs


When Amber had her first CT Scan at St. Jude, it showed two spots on her lungs. Chest x-rays did not show these spots. The doctors were not overly concerned but because they were visible, they warranted watching. This was needed in case her cancer had metastasized to her lungs. We were told that they would do further CT Scans during the time that she was receiving chemo and that if the spots shrank at all, then we would need to explore further.

The spots did not change in size during her chemo meaning that they more than likely were nothing to worry about. Even with this news, the doctors still wanted to monitor her lungs for an extended period of time. She had to have chest x-rays every six weeks for a year before moving to every three months. If the spots ever showed up on the x-rays then they would have had to do further testing. Fortunately, those spots never changed and never showed up on x-rays.

Books, Photos & a little bit of everything else: Sept. 25

  • Memphis Black by M.J. Fields: Blog Tour & Review

  • More by Rachel De Lune: Release Blitz & Giveaway

Memphis Black Banner

Memphis Black

Add to Goodreads


*** From USA Today Bestselling author MJ Fields***

From bedroom performances to center stage, Memphis Black’s dreams have come true.

Together with his band mates—Finn, River, and Billy B—he takes some time for fun in the sun in Miami while gathering inspiration to finish their first full-length album. Some down time before hitting the road to tour the country, spreading their kind of rock like an STD.

Tallia Priest, a preacher’s daughter grew up next door to Madison Black, her polar opposite and very best friend. Tallia has harbored a crush on Madison’s older brother Memphis for a lifetime.

A boy like him would never notice a girl like her, yet he did … once.

After a tough freshman year of college, Madison invites Tallia to join her in Miami for a much needed break. Madison fails to mention they will be staying with ‘Steel Total Destruction.’

When Tallia arrives, there is no way for a stunned Memphis to miss the transformation of the once awkward, innocent girl next door.

Forbidden desires must be hidden, lines cannot be blurred, and no one can ever know.

Will the heat in Miami tempt them even further? Will buried secrets destroy lives? Can a broken heart ever be mended?

It’s all fun and games until someone gets rocked.

MB Teaser


Saturday morning, we walk into Forever Four, our label’s headquarters, for an impromptu meeting. None of us are feeling it. The whole way over, Finn and River were trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

As soon as the door opens and I hear Xavier Steel’s voice booming from the conference lounge, and I know what is up. But fuck if I’m gonna let them know that I know.

“He sounds pissed, man.” River’s eyebrows are sky high. “His wife is probably not giving it up since I’m sure she is just waiting to tell him she’s in love with me. She’s going to leave his ass for mine. Of course, I’d try to talk her out of it. Out of respect and shit.”

I chuckle. “You’d cream yourself if she ever gave you the time of day.” Taelyn Steel is hot, red-haired, tall, thin, and totally in love with her husband, exactly like he is with her. We just allow River this little, indulgent fantasy. It’s not hurting a damn thing… and it pisses X-man off, which is always funny.

“I would have brought her on board, let her feel my beat.” River cringes. “But she has a kid now.”

Whatever. Fucker loves that woman. I know damn well he would hit it and try to keep it. “They’re kids,” Nick is saying. It sounds like he’s trying to calm the X-man down.

“That’s just stupid shit, Nick!” X sounds pissed, more pissed than I have ever heard him and I’ve heard him pissed. “Between you and Rico, neither of you thought I should know? How many thousands were spent on these fucking shirts and hats and—”

“Slow the fuck down, X. One damn question at a time.” Nick’s laugh is awkwardly placed. “First, you are the one who said the name needed more.”

“More, yes. But this shit?” “Rico’s design is sick, man.” Nick’s tone is calm now. “And you got my text and said ‘sounds good,’ so your stamp of approval is on this shit, too. No time to change it. This starts tomorrow if they agree.”

“They’d better fucking agree. They’d better also realize that the way this company works is shit gets paid back before the royalties start getting doled out. Assuming they get a huge cut, they just completely fucked us all with this stunt.”

“I disagree.” I walk in, wearing my business face.

“What the hell is he talking about?” River follows me in and grabs one of the T-shirts off the table. “This is sick.” He holds it up against himself as Finn and I sit, turning our attention to River like he’s working the center pole at a strip club. He takes the black tee with the grey, crackled circle enclosing the different shades of reds and oranges spelling out our band’s name as he dry humps the air and rubs it down his front.

“Sick is right!” Xavier doesn’t look or sound impressed. “You tell me, River, how well do you think you’re gonna do at the after parties with the ladies sporting one of those T-shirts?”

“I always do well with the ladies.” River drops the shirt and plops down next to Finn. “Are you high?” Xavier scowls at him.

“Just a few hits this morning.” He shrugs. “Just pot, though. Not the other stuff.”

This is good considering River was shooting up when Xavier found him and then he had a coke habit for a while after that.

Exasperated, Xavier throws his hands up. “Nick, we aren’t ready for this shit in three days.” He points at the three of us. “You guys want this about as much as anyone wants”—he holds up the shirt—“a fucking STD.”

“People love rock, X.” River picks up the shirt again and looks at it, paying attention to the details for the first time, and his smile disappears.

“That shit’s not funny, Memphis.”

“So, there we have it.” X scowls. “The fucking ‘normal’ one is behind the name?” Finn pushes his sleeves up, exposing the ink that covers his arms before he folds his arms over his chest. “All three of us decided on it. It’s actually quite genius.”

“Nothing funny about a goddamned STD,” River growls, adjusting himself under the table.

“River obviously had no idea.” Xavier looks between Finn and me, like he’s trying to decide which one of us is gonna be sent to stand in the corner. “River knew,” Finn says. “He was just too fucked up to—”

“Bullshit,” River sputters. “I haven’t smoked in three days… until this morning.” Xavier is now pacing and sputtering under his breath. “We promote safe sex,” I speak up, trying to put a spin on it.

“Yeah, that’ll go over like River at an NA meeting,” Xavier huffs.

“I should take offense to that,” River says, clearly not offended. “And I would if the last one I attended didn’t go so, so horribly wrong.”

“You know those T-shirt cannons they use at sporting events?” Xavier looks at me like I’m crazy, so I clarify. “I sent a message to a friend last night, and he’s building us a condom cannon—”

“Fucking genius.” Finn reaches out his fist for me to bump. “We just need to get some condoms with this logo on it, and we’re golden. Every bitch in the world is gonna want Steel Total Destruction, the only STD that makes their panties as wet as the Jersey Shore.” I smirk, feeling proud.

“The one that makes them scream out in pleasure,” River adds while typing a note in his phone. “The burn that doesn’t need medicated ointment.” Finn reaches out his fist again. This time he gets no bump.

“Nah, man.” Nick cringes. ”That’s just sick.”

Knowing Nick’s officially in, I smile to myself. Fucking perfect. Come on, X-man, I silently plead.

“If you fail, this is on you.” Xavier’s eyes narrow as they meet mine. I shrug.

“Ain’t gonna happen. You knew what we were when you handpicked us, so don’t start doubting us now.”

We all look up at the door when X’s wife Taelyn walks in, holding their baby. She looks up and pushes her long, auburn locks over her shoulder.

“Good morning!” She greets as she sways gently with the baby in her arms. Did I mention she’s hot? Yeah she is, and fucking smart, and I knew she would be on our side.

“Good morning, Taelyn.” River makes a beeline for her and the kid. “Hello, baby Patrick.” Taelyn smiles. “He’s sleeping.” “Perfect,” River says with a shit-eating smile. “Then may I hold him?”

“Taelyn,” Xavier growls, clearly annoyed.

“Xavier,” she mocks back at him, echoing his tone.

We all laugh except Xavier, of course. “You sober?” she asks River. We all know that’s her deal with him. He’s sober, or its hands off the kid. As much as River adores older women, he adores kids even more.

I can’t help noticing the way River looks at her, like she’s the damn Mona Lisa. I expect him to bullshit her, but he doesn’t. He has mad respect for her.

He shakes his head, looking guilty, and shrugs. “Maybe next time.”

Taelyn gives him a sad look. “Okay.”

She goes over to Xavier and hands their son over. She kisses the baby’s cheek, then his.

“So, STD, huh?” After seeing the T-shirt, her eyes immediately go to me. Xavier laughs at my shocked expression. “Seriously, Memphis, you’re like one of our kids.”

“Except for the fact that you would have been, like, two when you had him,” River interjects. “Hot, toddler loving.”

“You’d better watch it, drummer boy,” Xavier hisses while Taelyn nudges him with her elbow.

“I guess it could work.” She holds the shirt up to her chest, smirking. “If anyone can make a venereal disease sound cool, it’s the three of you.”

“Four,” I remind her. “Billy boy could rock an STD shirt like nobody’s business.”

“He could, right?” She laughs. “He’ll be back in a week, very excited.”

“Wait, about what?” I ask. “You’re opening up for the Brody Hines band’s Burning Souls reunion show, you stupid shit.” Xavier speaks in a stern, yet soft I-don’t-want-to-wake-the-baby, voice.

River looks like someone just slapped him. “You’re fucking joking, right?” “Nope.” Xavier smiles. “So, let me ask you a question.” “Shoot, man.” I try to look calm, but shit. Fuck, fuckity, fucking shit!

“You ready to spread ‘your kind of rock’ around like an infectious disease?” The look on his face tells me everything I need to know—X is finally on board.

My laugh is evil and deep. “Hell yes, we are. Hell. Fucking. Yes.”

I feel tingly all over. What a fucking rush this business is. What a motherfucking rush.

MB Teaser 2


I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. Once I started it, I couldn’t put it down. I loved this story. Memphis Black ranks up there pretty close to Cyrus Steel with me and that is something! M.J. Fields always does a great job of creating very interesting stories that are full of hot moments. This book is no exception. You will be thrown into the world of an up and coming rock band that lives like we all feel most rock bands live, wild and free. Enter Tallia, the girl next door that has known Memphis Black her whole life. Bring on her life-long crush on him and things get interesting. Memphis begins to feel things he is not used to feeling. Throw in some twists and turns that you will never expect and you get one great story! This book has a lot of character growth as the story proceeds. It also has some very HOT moments that scorch the pages. This is a great start to a new series! Great book! Five stars! #ForeverSteel

Buy Links



About the author

USA Today bestselling author MJ FIELDS’s love of writing was in full swing by age eight. Together with her cousins, she wrote a newsletter and sold it for ten cents to family members. She self-published her first New Adult romance in January 2013. Today she has completed six self-published series,The Love series, The Wrapped series, The Burning Souls series, The Men of Steel series, Ties of Steel series, and The Norfolk series.

MJ is a hybrid author who publishes an Indie book almost every month, and is signed with a traditional publisher, Loveswept, Penguin Random House, for her co- written series The Caldwell Brothers. Hendrix is available now, Morrison will be released on December 22nd, 2015. There is always something in the works, and she has three, yes, three, new series coming out this summer, and fall.

MJ was a former small business owner, who closed shop so she could write full time.

MJ lives in central New York, surrounded by family and friends. Her house is full of pets, people, friends, and noise ninety percent of the time, and she would have it no other way.

Follow MJ
Facebook * Website * Twitter * Instagram * Tumbr * Pinterest * Goodreads * TSU

Hosted By:


Free Etsy Banner collection by FPTFY 1

Book: More
Author: Rachel De Lune
Genre: Erotic Romance

Miserable and dejected in her marriage, Isabel Fields encounters a stranger in a bar promising an opportunity to change her life. Nonetheless, she must make a decision she thought was reserved for other women. 

Sexual dominant, Sebastian York, specializes in igniting passion in his lovers, but women always come and go, and he’s never had a woman to call his own.

Leading Izzy, a natural submissive, on a journey of sexual awakening, their casual arrangement soon grows too confining. Seb satisfies everything Izzy has craved and she instinctively bows to his dominant personality, fulfilling his every desire.

Their casual arrangement ignites Isabel’s long-buried passion and touches her heart, but Izzy struggles with the emotional turmoil that plagues her soul.

Sacrifices will have to be made by both, putting their love to the test. Izzy stands to lose the marriage she dedicated years of her life to, but has a chance to gain a relationship she’s always longed for. All depends on whether Sebastian proves to be the love of Izzy’s life, or leaves her wanting more…
“Is that right?” He reaches for me, taking my face in his hands, and rewards me with a deep kiss. His lips press into mine and I open my mouth to him willingly. The strokes of his tongue across my bottom lip instantly heat my blood. Goose bumps cover my skin and my legs want to open to him. His tongue pushes into my mouth and I push back, showing him I’m willing and definitely wanting in this. But he pulls away and moves down my jaw to my neck, taking my pulse with each kiss. I moan, unable to stop myself. Do that again. Keep kissing my neck, there… again.
I melt as he trails kisses across my collarbone and up the other side of my neck. He takes his time. Lazy licks and wet kisses continue until he reaches my ear. As his teeth close around my lobe, my pussy pulses at the wild desire he stirs within me. He bites a fraction harder, kicking my lust up to knicker-wetting levels. Jeez!
“I could make this last all evening, Isabel. I think you would be happy for that.” His whisper titillates as his hand runs up the inside of my leg. Passing the top of my thigh highs, he slides his hand to my pussy. His touch is barely there before he slides under the edge of my knickers and strokes down my slit.
“Oh, Isabel, wet already and I’ve barely touched you.” His velvet words send shivers down my spine. I try to readjust my sitting position so he can touch me deeper. The ache from my sex screams for attention, for Seb to do more, push his finger inside me, here in the kitchen.
“No, Isabel. You’ve been a naughty girl this week and haven’t completed your homework. As much as I would love to make you come with nothing other than my hand, I have much more planned.”

Author Bio
Rachel De Lune writes emotionally driven erotic romance. She began scribbling her stories in the pages of a notebook several years ago. Today, she’s still scribbling stories of dominance and submission and is looking forward to releasing her début ‘The Evermore series’ to the world.
Rachel lives in the South West of England and daydreams about shoes, lingerie and chocolate, in-between being a mum and a wife. She would love to give up her day job to devote more time to her scribbles.  For every woman who’s ever desired more.

Social Links




If you are at St. Jude and have a contagious illness, you are placed in isolation. On one of our trips to Memphis, Amber had a few spots come up on her skin. At the time we were concerned that the spots were the beginnings of chicken pox. We called the hospital the night before her appointments and we were told how to enter the hospital into the isolation area.

The next morning, Tammy, Amber & I went to St. Jude and were put in a very small isolation room. We spent the whole day in that room with the exception of the time that we were taken through the hospital for her to have her tests done. You see, when you are an isolation patient, traversing the hospital becomes an interesting event. Amber had to wear coverings and a mask. As we would go down a hall, the hospital employee escorting us would loudly clear the hall of other patients. It was a very odd feeling. Definitely worth the safety aspect for all involved, but an odd feeling for sure.

Sitting in one room all day can seem quite boring. Not saying it wasn’t but Tammy and I can usually manage to pass the time with some lively conversations. The room had a TV and VCR player for Amber so we took turns going to the movie “rental” of the hospital to get movies for her. Another free perk of the hospital.

After all day in that room with Amber getting IV fluids, we were released to go home. They had determined that she did not have chicken pox, although they did not know for sure where the spots came from. A few months later, we found out what they were…an allergic reaction to the medicine she had been on.



When Amber was close to the end of her chemotherapy, she developed pneumonia. We had gone to the clinic in Alexandria for her treatment. Dr. Ule did her normal pre-chemo check-up on Amber and thought her lung sounds warranted an x-ray. Sure enough, the x-ray showed pneumonia. Needless to say, Amber did not get chemo that day. Instead, we headed to the hospital for admission.

The hospital was packed with patients and we were given the only room they had in the area for children. It was actually a room that wasn’t being used. It wound up being a huge room that worked well for us. Due to the high number of patients with various types of contagious illnesses, Amber’s room was placed on reverse isolation. Entrance into her room by hospital staff was kept at a minimum and everyone had to be properly covered. Due to the risk of a secondary infection with her counts being low, we were released after just a few days. We went home and had home health care for a week. We had a great home health nurse that took great care of Amber.

After the time on IV antibiotics in the hospital and breathing treatments that continued at home, Amber recovered fairly quickly for pneumonia while on chemo. The entire ordeal set her back a few weeks on finishing up her chemo treatments, but didn’t impact her greatly in the long run. She did later have a few different times of needing breathing treatments to make sure that her illness didn’t turn into pneumonia.

Fun fact from the pneumonia time–the day Amber was put in the hospital, she was bouncing off the hospital room walls with energy. She did not act like a child with pneumonia at all. I still remember Dr. Rhodes shaking his head and laughing at her in the room. She did wind up running fever and coughing AFTER she started the IV antibiotics and breathing treatments. That’s my girl, a tough one from birth!



When we were dealing with Amber’s cancer, treatments, illnesses and trips to St. Jude, we did not have internet or social media. That meant that the only support outside of our close family and friends that we received was in the form of cards sent to Amber. Those cards meant so much to us because it let us know that people were thinking about Amber and sending good thoughts, prayers, etc. for her. The farthest communication that we received was from a church in Oklahoma. A friend or family member (I can’t remember which) knew some people in Oklahoma and communicated Amber’s situation with them, asking them to put her on their prayer list. Amber received a card from the church with prayers for her.

With modern technology and social media, patients have a much larger platform to share their stories as they are happening. Families can chronicle the story on  a daily basis for followers all over the world to see. It also provides an outlet for parents or other family to “get it out” by sharing the story on social media. Since I didn’t have that, I kept a notebook. It doesn’t have every day in it but it has the significant events throughout Amber’s time with cancer. It has made every move with me over the years and I still pull it out periodically to read.

Support is important to the family of a child with cancer. Whether it is reading their social media posts and liking or commenting or just sending a card in the mail, it means a lot to the family of the child.


The box of cards and items sent to Amber during her time as a cancer patient.