- Irreparable by Amanda Lanclos: Blog Tour
- Into the Flames by S.M. Lynn: Cover Reveal
In one day your life
can go from awesome to total shit and for me it’s going to change forever. Who am I?
My name is PFC Jameson Carter, and I am a United States Marine, or I was
until a bomb detonated and took half of me with it. The only thing that kept me alive was the
woman I had waiting back for me at home.
How do you go from
being a complete person to being half of something? For me, I have help, but how can I be
anything more than half of what I used to be?
Then when the one person you count on, the person you lived for leaves
you how do you react?
For Samantha Blalock
life is easy, she helps repair people like me, the people who lose limbs. Something isn’t the same though, she’s
changed. See I’ve known Samantha for
years. She’s hiding something. Can we help each other through these trying
times in our lives? Or does the fact
remain that we are both irreparable?
20 Fun Facts
1. My nieces and nephews call me Aunt Birdie, after my nickname Bird. Because I tried to fly off the trampoline when I was 3.
2. I love animals! I want to save them all!
3. I was adopted.
4. My family is the modern day Brady Bunch (kinda) I have 2 half brothers 1 brother and 1 sister and 2 step brothers!
5. I love broccoli, it’s my favorite.
6. I am a stay at home momma.
7. I have a license for cosmetology
8. My favorite color is purple.
9. There is nothing better than a Saturday night in Death Valley (LSU’s Stadium.)
10. My favorite candy is sour gummy worms 🙂
11. Writing 20 facts is kinda not that easy 😛
12. My mother passed away 7 years ago.
13. I released this book on my 26th birthday.
14. I love books! I want a whole room full of books
15. My favorite Disney princess is Belle, because of her love of books
16. I hate to sweat (funny since I live in Louisiana)
17. I am also a blogger. Crazy Cajun Book Addicts.
18. I have a huge signed book collection.
19. I love to sing (even though I can’t carry a tune in a bucket).
20. I prefer music and books to movies and television.
Jerking out of the bed I gasp, my body drenched in sweat, it’s something that I’ve become accustomed to. Four months I’ve been in this hospital reliving the pain of that night, and I still relive it every day I wake up and look down at my lower half.
Today is the day I get to leave this hell hole I have been placed into by the VA. I look around the room at all the high tech
equipment they have all around me. There is a heart monitor and it is beeping like crazy as my eyes land on Mary-Beth sleeping peacefully on the pull out couch. It took two months to get me back to the States after the bombing; I had to have extensive therapy for the burns I sustained. Luckily for me I didn’t have any scarring, but my legs couldn’t be saved.
I can smell the hospital smell, you know what I mean? The clean smell, the smell of alcohol wipes, and the smell of iodine as
it goes on to clean your skin. That is a smell I don’t believe I will ever be able to forget. It is etched into my brain forever.
An honorable discharge is what I got after having my legs blown apart and four of my best friends stripped from me by Al-Qaida. I have been through three extensive surgeries, and unfortunately by the end of them, I have lost both of my legs.
I look over and smile as I notice Mary-Beth laying on the couch of my hospital room, her brown hair covering her beautiful face. I laugh softly as I see the drool running down her chin onto her pillow from her plump lips. Three years she waited for me after high
school and I thank God every day because, let me be honest, I would have given up a long fucking time ago if it weren’t for her. She stirs and sits up and wipes the drool from her face and catches my eye. Standing from her make shift bed she gets up and comes to stand before me.
“Did you sleep well?” she asks. Looking into those beautiful emerald green eyes I know she knows I had the dream again, so I will not lie to her; she sees through them anyway.
“Eh, I had a rough night but it will be fine. I’m just ready to get the hell out of this place.” I smile and lean into her hand when she places it on my cheek, but a feeling of dread washes over me as I look at the wheelchair I have been given.
I hate that fucking thing. I am a man and I shouldn’t have to rely on anything to help me get around. Well, except for my midnight blue 2012 Mustang GT waiting at home for me. I thought I had a reason to hate the men that performed those acts of terrorism after 9/11, but after February 2013 my hate has changed. If I could I would kill them all with my bare hands.
“Are you ready to get out of here? I know a little girl who is going to be so excited to see you again.” Mary-Beth smiles and when I shrug she lets out a sigh. “Jameson, I know you’re dealing with a lot of loss baby, but you have to remember, you’re here and
you survived. You cannot leave; I need you here with me.” She lets out a little sigh and looks me in the eye before she speaks again.
“I think God kept you alive for me. He knew if he took you away I would never be able to breathe again. After losing Mom and Leila, I could never imagine losing you. You’re the greatest part of me. Even if you feel you are not whole, you are. You’re alive and you’re breathing. That’s got to be worth something.” A tear runs down her cheek as she looks at me and my breathing hitches. I am being selfish. I am alive while four of my brothers were laid to rest. Their families have that burden to bear, while I just have to carry the thought of being half of what I once was.
“You’re right Mary-Beth. I am glad to still be breathing but it doesn’t mean it’s going to get easier. How am I supposed to go on knowing it should have been me? It could have been me.” I look down at the sheets and twist my hands into them so I don’t have to look
into her face. I know what’s in her eyes; pity mixed with agony and I want neither of those emotions when I look at her.
She huffs and walks over to her bag and then into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. I wait until I hear the water running and lift my blanket slowly to look at the bandages on my now non-existent legs. I let the air leave my lungs in a loud groan, thinking of what the future holds.
I let out a loud groan as the two nurses’ help me from the bed to the wheelchair. “Man, you’re going to be walking in no time
with the physical therapist you got. Blalock is the best in the profession around here,” Kurt says as he wheels me down to the front of the hospital.
Mary-Beth is standing beside her red Honda Accord and smiling. “You finally get to come home.” I laugh softly and reach my hands into the car. I put one hand on the console and one on the dashboard just like they taught me to do in therapy in the hospital.
Kurt holds the wheelchair as I pull myself into the seat. I guess that’s what I get for making fun of Lieutenant Dan in Forrest
Gump. Now I’m the real life version of him. “Thanks for everything Kurt,” I say and salute him before he shuts the door. Mary-Beth slides into the car and her shorts ride up her already exposed thighs. “Baby, you’re trying to kill me,” I say with a grin and she laughs.
“No, I am trying to keep you alive, thank you,” she replies and starts driving to the house. We pull up to the house, which is a simple townhouse covered in brick along with four others in the complex. There is a white picket fence for Maggie, my golden Labrador, in the back. Man how I have missed her! Mary-Beth gets the wheelchair out of the trunk and brings it over to my
“Thanks,” I grunt out as I position my hands to move myself from the car to the chair. I will be so glad when I don’t have to worry about relying on someone else to help me.
Mary-Beth stops at the front door and walks around me. “Wait right here Jameson. I’m gonna go put Maggie in the back yard so she doesn’t jump all over you before you can get situated.” She starts to walk in but I stop her.
“I want to see Maggie now, please.” I smile and push my chair into the threshold and laugh when Maggie jumps into my lap like she weighs all of ten pounds. We wrestle a bit and she jumps around licking all over my face. Well at least one of my girls was excited to see me. It wasn’t that Mary-Beth wasn’t excited; I was torn and mangled when she first saw me. I guess that deserves a pass for not being enthusiastic.
“She’s really been missing you the last few years, but a lot more since you came back for a week before your deployment. She did a lot of moping. I suppose we owe Tanner, the kid next door, for spending time with her.. He likes to play ball with Maggie. I think
the kids at school bully him and she seems to be therapeutic for him.” Mary-Beth smiles and pushes me into the living room and walks back into the kitchen.
Maggie jumps down and starts pawing at me to rub her head, so I rub the top of her head and scratch her ear like I did when she was a puppy. I can’t believe how big Maggie is getting. She has grown up into a big golden Labrador and she has one ear that
flops and one that sticks up in a funny way. Her long hair is all over the house, but it’s totally worth it. It’s amazing how a dog will never forget a person who cared for it. Well I’m sure they won’t forget the person who abuses them either.
“Here baby.” I turn to see a beer sitting in front of my face. Thank the good Lord for this woman, she knows me so well. I haven’t had a drink in six very long months. I take a sip and moan my approval.
“I was gonna see if you wanted to go to Hooter’s tonight. Mason and Luke wanted to see you, but if you’re not up for it we can stay in and I’ll order some pizza.” She smiles and I meet her green eyes.
“I think I better wait a few more days before I try to do the social thing. Hooters isn’t really the place for me to go, not like this.” I point to the chair and Mary-Beth’s smile disappears.
“And why not?” Uh oh, bitchy woman is out again. “Mary-Beth, I’m in a damn wheel chair and it’s always so packed in there. I wouldn’t be able to get around,” I say and she puts her hand on her hip.
“Jameson, they have to be able to accommodate you. It’s against the law not to.” Here goes momma bear Mary-Beth. It’s
something I have always loved about her and she never lets people get picked on. She has tried to be superwoman to everyone when we were younger. Well, except to Luke’s sister Sam. It was like they had a competition or something. Speaking of Sam, I need to check on her. I haven’t spoken to her since the night I left for Afghanistan.
“You’re right Mary-Beth, but I’d rather not go for a few more weeks please.” I pet Maggie’s head again and then turn on the flat screen to watch some LSU football. Don’t judge me. Les Miles puts on a nail biter and it’s not always easy to see my Tigers play where I’ve been.
“Okay, I’ll just go order us some pizza then.” With that she walks out of the room, and for once I actually feel like a man again. Pissed off woman? Check. Dog by my side? Check. Beer in my hand? Check. Step one on my road to normalcy is complete.
I sit on the couch with Mary-Beth and Maggie on both sides of me. Funny how they can come and go as they want, but I have to move from one seated place to another. I eat my pizza and groan; hospital food sucks compared to this. I grab Mary-Beth’s
hand and drink a sip of my beer. She squeezes my hand and lays her head down in my lap as I watch the game. “It’s nice to have you back Jameson.” She sighs and I smile.
“It’s good to be back. I have missed being all domesticated.” I let out a light chuckle and she slaps my thigh.
“Not funny. I know you feel like you’re not enough anymore, but baby you’ll always be enough for me.” She locks our fingers and turns her head to look up at me.
“I know Mary-Beth. It’s just hard to explain.” I put the beer down and run my fingers through her hair. I watch as she closes her almond shaped green eyes. This is my Mary-Beth; the one I took to the field behind old man Rayborn’s barn in town. She’s the reason why I spent hours with Luke catching fireflies in mason jars. I wanted to light up the blanket where Mary-Beth and I made love the
first time. I remember this look of bliss on her face after that, and now I remember why I survived that bomb. She needed me, and dammit I was going to be everything she needed. Even if I was only half of the man I used to be.
Amanda Lanclos is from a small town right outside of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Most of the time you will find her with her nose in a book, or blogging on her blog. She is an avid reader, and never expected to write a book. One day she was inspired and her first novel was written. She has been married to her amazing husband for three years. Together they have a beautiful daughter, and two very bad fur-babies. During College Football season you can find her screaming for her Tigers.
You can’t outrun your
past. The flames will hunt you until
you’re found. You must embrace it, learn
from it, and allow it to help you grow into who you are meant to be.
Celeste knows that she cannot leave the past behind. It has scorched a dark path through her
present and her future. As she tries to
deal with the demons that haunt her and come to terms with who she really is,
she realizes what true fear is. And it’s
not Dean Marcus. The fear that consumes
her thoughts is for Ian, for their love and for his life.
You know your past has
shaped you but you refuse to bend to its will.
That is when the flames of the past will find you and take their
Ian knows the truth and his love remains strong. He wants nothing more than to protect his future and his love at all costs. He has the woman he loves in his arms. His greatest desire is to make her his wife. When more betrayal strikes at his heart, will he be able to overcome those that seek to harm him and the woman he loves?
Gavin has been my
rock and my refuge in all of this. He
took me back in or rather helped have all my things moved from the house I
shared with Ian back to the apartment. I
broke down several times as boxes were carried in and was in no shape to
actually go over to the house to help pack my things. I spent the day on my bed, soaking my pillow
in tears. I don’t know what I would have
done without Gavin. He rarely left my
side at the hospital. He has been home
caring for me almost night and day since I returned. I hate to think about the toll I’m taking on
his work and his social life. I know
it’s selfish of me but I can’t function without him right now. I need someone to lean on and for me; Gavin
is the only one. Ian would have been the
only one but… Well, I don’t want to
think about that right now. Dr. Somers
was adamant that I rest my brain. No
excessive reading or watching tv; nothing that would really stress my brain,
just rest, is what he told me. I’ve
tried to follow orders as best I can.
I’d thought about
getting a place of my own when I left the hospital but Gavin would not hear of
it. “Gav, I’m so sorry that you have to
deal with all this. It can’t be easy for
you. I don’t blame you with the media
circus and everything if you don’t want me to come back and live with you.”
“Stop it. I won’t listen to another word of that
dribble. You will come home to our
apartment and we will eat bad chinese, get drunk and go dancing. Once you’re feeling better that is. And there’s nothing you can say to stop
that.” Gavin’s so great to try to cheer
me up. He knows I need someone to lean
on and without Ian, well, I don’t know what I would do without Gavin.
My schedule has
consisted of wake, run, lay in bed, go for an evening run on the days I don’t
meet with Dr. Reeves and then home to shower and go to bed for the night. It wouldn’t have been too much of a stretch
to say I was depressed. I knew I needed
to talk with someone, a professional.
Dr. Somers insisted upon it when I was in the hospital and introduced me
to Dr. Reeves. When I first met with
him, I didn’t think I would ever be comfortable enough to share my story with
him. Hell, I couldn’t share it with the
people that were closest to me, how would I share it with a complete
stranger? But I guess that is what makes
him the professional. From day one I
shared my life with him and he helped me walk through what it all meant for my
I’ve tried to
contact Ian. The 100s of voicemails that
probably went un-listened to, the texts that are too numerous for me to even
fathom, daily emails and calls to his office and the house attest to the fact
that I wanted to talk with him.
Everything went unanswered. I
still remember the pain in his voice from that brief time in the hospital. He was broken. I’d done that to him. I wanted to wrap him my arms but couldn’t
even manage to open my eyes. I wanted to
plead with him, to explain everything, to tell him it was the only way to
protect him, to let him know that I planned to tell him everything that night
before Dean came to the door. I just
wanted to stop him from leaving. I
remember hearing the door close and the knowledge that there was no going back
hit me full force. Ian’s gone and I’m
left here. Alone.
plagued me nightly since the attack. I’m
hopeful that therapy will help alleviate them if not stop them all
together. I know they are a
manifestation of my fear but I really don’t want to be afraid anymore. Most nights Gavin has either had to calm me
after the nightmare or sleep in my room because I can’t bear to be alone
Only once do we
talk about Dean being at the hospital.
Gavin said he looked like he was studying me. He didn’t make any move to touch me but kept
mumbling about coming back to him, being with him, loving him. It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that
Dean is essentially two people, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde if you will. There’s the one side that actually seems to
care for me but it’s more the kind of care that a master has for his pet. Then there’s the sadistic side, the side the
reveled in my pain; the side that only wants to take, take from me, take from
my father, take everything and that would kill me in the process. That Dean was the one I had come to know so
well after our engagement. I tried so
many times to break things off with him; either he would convince me to come
back or force me to with threats, eventually I thought my fate was sealed. I
had no idea anyone could be so cruel, evil.
But Dean showed me time and again that I had no idea what real evil was
S.M. Lynn has a Bachelor’s Degree in Secondary Education
with an English specialization. She
resides in small town Nebraska with her husband and two children. She writes contemporary romance leaning
toward the erotic but enjoys mixing in elements of suspense.
When her family can pry her away from writing and reading,
she works in her husband’s financial services firm. Between kids and work there is not much time
left over but when she has some, she enjoys traveling, watching Vampire Diaries
and scouring Facebook for book deals.
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